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I was a rape victim from the age of 7 to 9 years old. I had two cousins who lived in different places, but were very close to each other and were both 20 years older than me.
They are both from my father's side of the family and one of them lived in our home; to help raise my brother and I. He would take us to school and spend the night with us when our mother was on night shift and our father worked out of the country.
He would threaten me as a child,undress me and rape me. I would cry because of the pain and he would keep saying, "Just hold on, my love".
The sad thing is he would even do it with my elder brother watching. He would say to him, "Do not tell just watch. I am teaching you to be a man". My brother and I never ever talked about it. It happened every time my parents were away.
My heart bled every single time they left for work. I was always afraid. I would easily forget and was never active at school. I would lose my pencils and he would say, "Don't worry. I won't tell. You just have to take off your clothes."
I was just too afraid of my mother. She would beat us every time we did something wrong. So my rapist used it to his advantage.
During the holidays I would ask my father if we could visit my aunt (his sister) but, that's where my second rapist lived. He would watch us play and beat the other children.
He would tell them to leave me and send them to play outside and then rape me . That's when I realised I had nowhere to run. So, we would go back home and I kept on being abused.
It went on for a long time. I started to feel like it was normal, but, when I was 9-years-old, I started to open my eyes. I realised it was wrong. So I prayed my mother wouldn't beat me and told her about the abuse.
She told my father but my parents never spoke to me about it. They were upset. It led to a family fight and I was to blame.
So I chose not to tell about my other cousin. I blamed myself. I turned against everyone. I even tried killing myself about 3 times. Once, I went to a coma, but I survived.
Things kept getting out of hand. My parents broke up and I left with my mom. I never took anything seriously; even school. My mom passed away when I was in matric. I failed 2 subjects and I never went back.
Both my rapists have passed away, but I have no peace. I am always angry. I'm now married and have 2 boys. Sometimes I take it out on my husband or my oldest son. I love my family. That's why I know I need help to forget. So that I can be a good mom and wife.
I even wish I could go back to school, better myself and become a counselor. But I'm afraid that I can't afford it. I struggle to get a job and help in the house financially.
All in all, I have learned that abuse can destroy your life, if you are weak like me. I pray for some difference everyday. My husband thinks that I am always angry because he is poor!
And that's not the truth. I need help.
They are both from my father's side of the family and one of them lived in our home; to help raise my brother and I. He would take us to school and spend the night with us when our mother was on night shift and our father worked out of the country.
He would threaten me as a child,undress me and rape me. I would cry because of the pain and he would keep saying, "Just hold on, my love".
The sad thing is he would even do it with my elder brother watching. He would say to him, "Do not tell just watch. I am teaching you to be a man". My brother and I never ever talked about it. It happened every time my parents were away.
My heart bled every single time they left for work. I was always afraid. I would easily forget and was never active at school. I would lose my pencils and he would say, "Don't worry. I won't tell. You just have to take off your clothes."
I was just too afraid of my mother. She would beat us every time we did something wrong. So my rapist used it to his advantage.
During the holidays I would ask my father if we could visit my aunt (his sister) but, that's where my second rapist lived. He would watch us play and beat the other children.
He would tell them to leave me and send them to play outside and then rape me . That's when I realised I had nowhere to run. So, we would go back home and I kept on being abused.
It went on for a long time. I started to feel like it was normal, but, when I was 9-years-old, I started to open my eyes. I realised it was wrong. So I prayed my mother wouldn't beat me and told her about the abuse.
She told my father but my parents never spoke to me about it. They were upset. It led to a family fight and I was to blame.
So I chose not to tell about my other cousin. I blamed myself. I turned against everyone. I even tried killing myself about 3 times. Once, I went to a coma, but I survived.
Things kept getting out of hand. My parents broke up and I left with my mom. I never took anything seriously; even school. My mom passed away when I was in matric. I failed 2 subjects and I never went back.
Both my rapists have passed away, but I have no peace. I am always angry. I'm now married and have 2 boys. Sometimes I take it out on my husband or my oldest son. I love my family. That's why I know I need help to forget. So that I can be a good mom and wife.
I even wish I could go back to school, better myself and become a counselor. But I'm afraid that I can't afford it. I struggle to get a job and help in the house financially.
All in all, I have learned that abuse can destroy your life, if you are weak like me. I pray for some difference everyday. My husband thinks that I am always angry because he is poor!
And that's not the truth. I need help.
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